VampireFreak14

Do you know how long it's been since we talked? Like, really talked? Not like "hi, what's up, cool, okay bye?" Yeah, me either. But that's okay, because I told you this would happen. I was stupid to think you cared, that you really fucking cared about me, even when I was told that you did. Any of you. All of you. I'm done. I don't want to cry over you any more. As long as you're all happy and satisfied, great, go on and enjoy your lives. Just forget you even knew me. I don't exist. Never has, never will. It was all just a dream, one that slowly became one of my worst fucking nightmares because I can't forget you. I can't get any of you out of my head. I constantly worry about you. Don't you for one fucking second think I don't know what you're doing, and what you've done. How could you? Why did you do that? And to you! Love is fake. Don't get lost in it all over again, because I hate seeing you hurt. You have no idea how bad it hurts when you say you're having a bad day, that is, when you talk to me. None of you ever talk to me anymore, and I feel like I'm bothering you all, so unless you say something first I'm done. I'm still here for you, still your shoulder to cry on, and I still love you more than I can ever explain, but I'm done. I can't do this anymore, and I hate to do this, but I have to say good-bye. 

Do you know how long it's been since we talked? Like, really talked? Not like "hi, what's up, cool, okay bye?" Yeah, me either. But that's okay, because I told you this would happen. I was stupid to think you cared, that you really fucking cared about me, even when I was told that you did. Any of you. All of you. I'm done. I don't want to cry over you any more. As long as you're all happy and satisfied, great, go on and enjoy your lives. Just forget you even knew me. I don't exist. Never has, never will. It was all just a dream, one that slowly became one of my worst fucking nightmares because I can't forget you. I can't get any of you out of my head. I constantly worry about you. Don't you for one fucking second think I don't know what you're doing, and what you've done. How could you? Why did you do that? And to you! Love is fake. Don't get lost in it all over again, because I hate seeing you hurt. You have no idea how bad it hurts when you say you're having a bad day, that is, when you talk to me. None of you ever talk to me anymore, and I feel like I'm bothering you all, so unless you say something first I'm done. I'm still here for you, still your shoulder to cry on, and I still love you more than I can ever explain, but I'm done. I can't do this anymore, and I hate to do this, but I have to say good-bye. 

you know that pain you get when you're trying not to cry?

and then the one you get once you do cry?

and then the pain after that?

i do.

i'm sorry.

I miss you.

A lot.

We used to talk every day; now I hardly know you and you hardy know me.

This is why I never let myslf trust people.

They never keep their promises.

Told you you'd all forget about me.

Enjoy your life, I've already fucked up mine.

Ps: i'm still right here waiting...

<sup>don't mind me, just ranting to my imaginary friends again! ^-^

i don't like people. i can't. i get hurt any time i let myself start liking someone even a little tiny bit because, well, let's face it who's gonna like a girl like me? i've got waaaaay too many problems. so i'm just done with it, fuck it, i don't need anyone else. i've survived sixteen looooooooooong years all by myself, the rest of my life won't kill me. guess it's back to being heartless, eh? haha, haven't said that in a while. but hey, life was soo much easier when i didn't have to worry about anyone or anything. i just sorta let my impulses take control. guess that's how i ended up with a gun to my head, laughing, wondering what it would feel like to pull the trigger. sure, it wasn't a real gun, just one of my little brother's airsoft guns.. but if you hold the gun just so, and the "bullet" is heavy enough, and you hit in just the right spot.. KABOOM! so easily, a life could be lost. or maybe i could drown myself again - i almost succeeded last time. it was eerie.. if not, there's always the razorblades and starvation. and there's more than enough pills in this house to bring an endless sleep. heh.. haha... teeheehee.. how simple it would be. would i even be missed? i'm sure they'd be the initial shock and "oh, why did you leave, why did you go, how could you do this to me?" but hey, everybody's gotta die sometime, right? besides, you'd forget all about me soon enough. i'm pretty easy to forget. and you wouldn't have to deal with my complaining and constant stupidity anymore, so that's a plus, too! huzzah! i'd be doing you a favor, i'd be doing something RIGHT! oh, if only you could see my smile, hear my laughter, and see the blood. it's been so long, my friend.. so long. but it seems as if we've been reunited at last. what a joyous day, what a magical night! stuck here all alone again... stuck here all alone..

it's so cold when you're alone.

like you don't even exist.</sup>